Hey You, It’s Younger You!

Miley Cyrus has done it again!! At first, she made us realise that we can buy our own flowers and hold our own hands, and now, she has provoked a thought, a feeling, an undeniable tug that makes us think about our younger selves, who we were before life happened, and what would we say to ourselves if brought face to face with the younger versions of our selves.

The image of my blog, that’s me at the age of 15, the age where everything really changed for me. I had my first proper serious boyfriend, which turned out to be a tumultuous relationship, one which would lead to the thought that influenced my first suicide attempt 4 years later.  It would be where depression first made an appearance in my life, insecurities, an eating disorder, the list goes on, and that innocent face in the photo, her life was about to change in a big way.

So, what would I say to my younger self?  This is what I would say………..

Dear Younger Sherri-Lee

Your life as you know it, is about to change.  It doesn’t matter what I say to you at this present moment about yourself and who you are, because you already hate yourself, you look in the mirror, and you hate what you see, you ask yourself questions about yourself, and you hate all the answers, so no matter what I say, you aren’t going to listen, that stubborn streak will stay with you forever, but I want you to know this about your future self.

You have gone through so much in your life, more than most people will in their lifetime, and you are still standing, stronger than you every thought was possible.  Everything that life has thrown you, you have made it through, and every time you got knocked down, you stood back up and you kept going.  Sometimes it took a little longer to stand up as the years went on, but the important thing is, you did, and you kept going, even on the days when all you did was beg for God to call you home, to end your life on earth, so you could have peace, and all the hurt could just slowly fade away.  All that hurt, the betrayal of so many people, the manipulation, the emotional, mental and physical abuse, you made it through it all.  All those people that said you would never amount to anything, you proved them wrong, you prove them wrong each and every day, and some days, we still get caught off guard when someone tells us, that our strength, the person that we are, the way we make others feel about themselves, we are the reason they keep moving forward and carrying on.  Everything that we went through, we endured, it was not for nothing, we became someone else’s survival story, and that, that alone, shows me that we are worth so much more than what anyone ever told us we would never be.

You are a mother, to the most amazing son, your reason for living, your reason for breathing, the reason you pushed through so much in life.  And he was watching the entire time, and the strength he carries today, it is because he saw the strength that we carried, that we never gave up, that we always aspired to be somebody who saw others and made them feel seen, appreciated, special and valued, even when they never did that for us.  He has grown up to be such an exceptional young man, a man that we are so incredibly proud of, and a man that we have so much love for, it is physically impossible to put it into words.

All the hurt we went through, the failed relationships, the feeling of being not good enough, of being a failure at life, believe it or not, it was all worth it.  We got to learn so much about ourselves, we got to do some really hard internal work on ourselves and reflect deeply on who we are and what we want out of life, and it made us into the strong, independent woman that stands in front of you right now.  And we do eventually find love, real love, the kind of love that reveals why we had to go through everything we did, so that when the right man stood in front of us, our soul could recognise their soul.  We could feel love as the genuine emotion it is supposed to be, no conditions, no negotiations, no games, just raw and honest and real.  We finally get made to feel seen, to feel special, to give everything of ourselves because we want to, and not because we are hoping to just get a glimmer of it back, but because it is so easy to give, and it is so mind blowing to receive it all back without ever asking for it.  Some days, we still ask ourselves if it is real.  We don’t have to buy our own flowers anymore, or hold our own hands, because there is someone who gives of themselves unconditionally, without expectation, and for once, we can breathe and feel safe and know that we don’t have to carry everything on our own anymore, because we are not alone anymore, and that thought that we had when we were in the bath at 12 years old, that we would never find someone to love us and that we are not worth love, we can finally lay that to rest.  You have no idea how good it feels to finally lay that to rest.

So, Sherri-Lee, keep on going, you will love the woman that you become, you will learn to love yourself unconditionally, you will learn to respect yourself and you will be more than okay when you make it through to the other side, because you will realise that you choose life.  You choose life with your family, your friends, your bestie that is like your family, your son that is your world, and a man, that has changed your world and has become the biggest part of it.  Everything falls into place when and how it should, and I promise you; I’ve got you, I love you, and I will always protect you, so long as we are breathing, I will always protect you.

All my Love

Your Future Self

What would you write to your younger self? Do you love who you’ve become, do you love who you are becoming? Write a letter to your younger self, read it in a few years’ time, reflect, grow, level up and be unapologetically honest with yourself.

This is just one chapter in the story of your life, because……..Your Story Is Not Over!

From my heart to yours

Sherri-Lee