From Broken Pieces

It has been a long time since I have written anything, three and half years to be exact, and when I look back over the time that has passed, I am incredibly proud of what I have pulled myself through.

I thought I had it all together, that life was going my way, I was doing everything right….except I wasn’t, I was a mess, and I was broken.  Every day that passed, a small piece of me shattered even more, until circumstances made me stop and take a long hard look at myself, and I realised that I was on my knees, on the ground, amongst all my shattered pieces, and the only way to get through, was to get back up, again, and pray, because I was in the perfect position to do so.

It took me a while to realise that whilst I thought I was protecting myself, I was destroying myself, retreating more and more into my comfort zone, isolating myself from everyone, from everything, getting lost in work, not my calling, my work, and by doing so, I didn’t recognise myself anymore.  The people I had allowed close to me, who I thought knew me better than most, I poured everything of myself into them, only to lose not only them, but myself in the process.

There comes a time when you have to say, “No More!!”.  When you must walk away from certain people in your life, see the true colours of people who you have allowed close to you, and break the ties. By doing that, you allow yourself to pick up the pieces, one piece of your shattered self at a time.  There also comes a time when you must be honest with yourself, honest but kind, because we are only human, we make mistakes, we stumble, we fall, we royally screw up, it’s what we do after that, that matters the most.

I started picking up the pieces, I started choosing me, I put the alcohol down (again), I started walking, because I know how good it is for both my physical and mental health, I FINALLY lost the weight, all 22kg of it, and I broke the cycle of hating myself. I started to learn to love myself, to value myself, to be kind to myself, and slowly, life started to change.  I started to realise my self-worth, what I bring to the table, who I am as a person, and I started to drown out all the noise.  I realised that if people feel threatened by me, if they judged me, if they appeared in my life when it suited them and their needs, and they then walked away, that I was okay with that, and I let them walk, I even opened the door to help them on their way.

Picking up the pieces has not been easy, it’s been hard, consistent work. It’s not easy to put yourself first when you have put yourself last for so long, but once I started, I noticed that I like the “new” me better, the perfectly IMPERFECT version of me that I have become.  I’m whole, a little broken here and there, and that’s okay, that’s where the light gets to shine in and out from, all the broken fragments of the new mosaic that is me.

Since I have started choosing myself, choosing to be happy, choosing to not negotiate my worth, life surprised me, and started choosing me too.  Happiness, peace, laughter, calm and love started shining through all those cracks. Bit by bit, I am learning to allow people close to me again, allowing myself to step out of my comfort zone, to step into the unknown, to take a leap of Faith and see where I land, to not always play it so safe.  I’ve learnt to start trusting myself, to value my life story, to value MYSELF, and if people don’t like the upgraded version of me that I have become, I know that I am strong enough, and confident enough, to allow them to walk away, it is not me being abandoned, it is me, choosing ME!

So, if like me, you are put together with hundreds of broken pieces of your life, BE PROUD OF IT.  Be proud of who you are, where you are going.  It means that what was meant to break you, didn’t.  You are still standing, you are still beautiful, perfectly imperfect, and you are strong, stronger than you think.  The story of your life is still being written, in gold, and there are many many pages that still need to be written, so don’t give up hope, because YOUR STORY IS NOT OVER

From my heart to yours

Sherri-Lee